Friday, February 8, 2008

Reflection on yesterday's Gospel

"If anyone wishes to come after me, she must deny herself and take up her cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to save her life will lose it, but whoever loses her life for my sake will save it. What profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit herself?"

Gospel for the day--I can't get it out of my head, especially "whoever loses her life for my sake will save it."

I have been really worried about money lately--specifically about how to pay off all my debts and still have a little left over to save just in case religious life doesn't work out, or to give to the Society if it does (as a small contribution toward my many student loan debts). But I don't think it will work out with much extra. It will be possible to pay off my debts by the end of summer 2009, but not with leftovers. Though I know it will work out, I had to resign myself to the possibility that there will be nothing left after the debts are taken care of.

Scary--to enter into religious life with nothing.

But I also know that that is the point--to release myself from my material bonds. It's just easier to think about when I am not actively trying to do it.

Whoever loses her life… whoever abandons all plans and safeguards for future comfort and follows the Lord in the present moment, wherever he might lead. Jesus, I know you love me and will take care of my needs, but I am scared.

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