seeking sophie

The time has come....

2009-07-26T08:53:00.001-05:00

Well, I moved into my new community....
...and decided to begin a new blog.

Please follow me to "communitas et caritas--community and love."

Blessings to all!

Feast of the Sacred Heart!

2009-06-19T16:02:00.003-05:00

I've posted this before, but it's worth a repeat. The image can be purchased from Bridge Building Images.

Happy Feast Day!

A Whirlwind

2009-06-17T22:56:00.002-05:00

Well, life is complicated, and extremely busy these days. I've been out of town for the last two weeks: New Orleans, St Louis, and Milwaukee. This week, I have family visiting. To add to the confusion, I move in a week and a half!

But all is good. I greatly enjoyed the Giving Voice Conference in Milwaukee--and there, I got to meet Sister Susan from the Musings of a Discerning Woman blog, Sister Nicole from Life of a New Sister, as well as many other amazing young women religious. It was so exciting to hear their stories and get some advice for the many changes that are approaching in my own life.

And now, the "good-byes" are beginning. I saw my wonderful spiritual director of the last two years yesterday, for the last time (at least as my s.d.). Next week, the farewells begin in earnest. I have to admit that they are not my favorite thing. Yet it seems incredibly important to take in the sadness so that I can move on to new things.

Catching up

2009-05-24T17:37:00.002-05:00

It's been a long time since I've looked at some of the blogs I like to follow, and so I thought I would throw in a couple of recent highlights here.

A Nun's Life talks about adopting a religious--what a great idea! It seems like an innovative way to get the word out about what it means to be a religious or a priest.

There is a lovely comment about the peace of the Benedictine monastic routine at Colwich Novitiate's blog.

The Sisters of the Holy Family's blog led me to the Women & Spirit website. They are presenting a traveling exhibit of artifacts about the history of women religious and their impact on American history in general. It looks fabulous! I think I need to try to get to it at some point.

Exciting things are going on in our world!

Memories

2009-05-24T15:55:00.003-05:00

Well, I move in less than 6 weeks. It's amazing how fast the time goes.

Most of my furniture has been claimed, along with some of my kitchen stuff.

The first of at least three goodbye parties is on Tuesday.

Since classes are over, I've been working more on the moving thing--going through the stuff that I've been hoarding for the last 10-15 years. It feels really good to be cutting the strings, in many ways, but it also means leaving part of me behind. I've found letters from old friends, pictures, books, journals, calendars.... all sorts of things that I really don't need, and really never intended to keep forever anyhow.

Why do I say that it means leaving part of me behind? It's not that I will forget any of these things. It's just that, when I look at the old pictures and read the notes from friends, I realize how our lives have moved on. I think that's a good thing, really. We've all "grown up" a bit, become more who we are and who God wants us to be.

Seeing the old photos and notes also reminds me of how blessed I have been, how I've always had friends who loved me, and whom I've loved. I feel very loved.

Graduation reflections...

2009-05-15T22:16:00.003-05:00

I'm preparing a short reflection for our graduating students, and I thought I would share part of it here. The graduation ceremony takes place in the context of Evening Prayer, and the reading is Colossians 3:12-17.

Love, says the reading, is the "bond of perfection." Love is the one thing that will improve all other facets of our lives, the one thing that can bring us into unity with each other.

With that LOVE in mind, Colossians says, "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another..." It seems to me that no one here is studying theology for their own edification. Each one of us -- in being called to service -- is here to become a better servant to others, to offer God's LOVE and WISDOM to those we serve. We have been transformed by our knowledge, and we continue the transformation in our ministry to others.

My little bit of advice today is that you remain open to the transforming power of God. It is only when we are open to receive love, and to share our love with those around us, that we are able to transform and to be transformed. I never dreamed that I would be called to study theology, or to teach it. It never crossed my mind that God would call me in the direction I now turn.

But if each of us remain open to God's transforming love, the world itself will be transformed by love.

A beautiful experience

2009-05-10T23:03:00.003-05:00

I was talking with my last class today, and I told them about how I was leaving the area to join a religious order. They were all really happy and supportive. I told them a little bit about the Society, and about why I chose the Society of the Sacred Heart.

Afterward, one of the women came up to me and showed me a bookmark, asking me if the picture was of the foundress--the text was all in Chinese.

It was St Madeleine Sophie Barat, much like the one above. It turns out that the student went to a Sacred Heart boarding high school in Taiwan. She had tears in her eyes as she told me about how she remembers the love of the sisters, and that she still goes back to visit the school when she's in the country, even taking her grown daughters.

It was deeply touching.

Friday Five: Bugs

2009-05-08T05:15:00.003-05:00

From RevGalBlogPals:

As I was walking the beach today, I was surprised and delighted to find it swarming with ladybugs. The sweet little red beetles are one of my favorite insects and also my daughter's blogname--though as of this morning she was thinking of changing it to Butterfly. I'll keep you posted.

This got me thinking about spiritual insect trivia: Did you know that medieval mystics and theologians esteemed the bee for its dedicated work and transformation of ordinary ingredients into sweetness? That Spider Woman is an important creator Goddess to many Native American tribes? Or that Francis of Assisi was reminded of Jesus not only by lambs being led to slaughter, but also by worms (think "I am a worm and no man" from the Psalms)-- so he picked them up and took them out of stomping-vulnerable spots?!

In that spirit, this week's Friday Five is a magical mystery tour through God's garden of creepy crawlies!

1. Ladybugs or ladybirds? Pillbugs or roly-polys? Jesus bugs or water skeeters? Any other interesting regional or familial name variations?
Ladybugs and water skeeters. There aren't any pillbugs or roly-polys where I grew up, so I don't know what to call them!

2. Stomp on spiders, carry them outside, or peacefully co-exist?

Depends... but usually stomp on them. Though I once had one living on my window sill that I didn't mind--but I knew where it lived, and it didn't wander around the house scaring me.

3. Favorite insect?

I'm not a big insect fan. But maybe a ladybug or a butterfly. We had a ladybug wandering around the choir at church one Sunday. We kept putting her to the side, and she kept coming back to hang out on our clothes. We were all a bit amused.

4. Least favorite?
Almost anything else! I have to say spiders and cockroaches top the list.

5. Got any good bug stories to share?
One very weird one. I was at an odd Catholic celebration of Mary--I don't remember exactly what it was (it wasn't a holy day or anything), but there was a speaker, and the church was really packed. I was there alone, sandwiched in a pew between people I didn't know. And I was tired and feeling a little sick. At one point, I think I fell asleep, which I never do--so I was really exhausted. But the buggy part freaked me out. I felt something on my head, and so I scratched it, and found a bug on the very top of my head! I didn't know what it was--not huge, and sort of like a beetle. So, I grabbed it and flung it away, somewhere under the pews. But then, it happened again, another bug, same spot! It was very surreal, and made the whole experience very uncomfortable for me. I left as soon as I could, but I had to wait for whatever it was to finish because I couldn't easily get out. And another strange thing (not buggy) happened on the way out--a lady handed me a pin of Our Lady of Guadalupe and said that she just knew I was the one to give it to. Huh.

Bonus question: share a poem, song, quotation, etc. about insects.
I got nothing! It could be the early hour...

Everyone has a vocation

2009-05-08T04:58:00.003-05:00

Lately, my mind has turned to the broader question of vocation, and that we need to talk more about it.

Most especially, I think we need to talk about a vocation to single life. Some don't believe it is a vocation, but it certainly is.

Some say it's not a vocation because it's not a permanent state, but a temporary condition until someone makes a commitment to another person, or to the priesthood or religious life. But there are single people in the church of all ages, some of whom will never make that kind of a commitment. Additionally, I don't think it needs to be permanent for it to be a vocation. Vocation simply means "calling" -- and our calls change throughout our lifetime.

How can single life be considered a vocation? Think about the faithful single Catholics you know--do they live lives grounded in Christ? I once had a student say that "all single people are selfish." It inspired me to post this prayer for vocations from the USCCB, which includes a section about single people who are able to offer so much of their lives in service because they do not have the obligations of (for instance) someone with a family.

Lucky for me, another student answered that single people are no more selfish than anyone else!

That's key, perhaps. The single person who is not part of the church, who does not uphold moral standards, and who does not offer themselves in service to others, is not living out a vocation to the single life.

But there are so many who live it beautifully. We can't say that there isn't such a vocation just because some people are self-centered.

Less than Three Months

2009-05-07T09:34:00.003-05:00

Yes, there are less than three months until I enter the community.

I am so glad that it is coming soon, and also happy that I have some time to prepare. The semester is ending this week, and so I will be working on my own projects as well as the Big Move.

I'm trying to be more conscientious about this blog, but I really don't have a lot to say! I am at peace--and maybe that's the biggest thing I can say. My heart is peaceful. There seems to be so much to do before I'm ready to go, but I'm happy that I will be entering community, and the details seem pretty insignificant right now. Perhaps complicated, but insignificant.

The picture above is a stained glass of St. Madeleine Sophie Barat, from the chapel at Duchesne Academy of the Sacred Heart in Houston, where I visited last week. The chapel is lovely, and this window is the highlight. There are also windows there of Philippine and Mater Admirabilis.

This weekend.

2009-05-03T23:53:00.001-05:00

I spent the weekend with the RSCJ community in Houston--and had a wonderful time.

One of the challenges over the last few months has been the separation from the community. I know I will be entering the Society this summer, but right now I live far away from the sisters. The weekend with them was just what I needed, a little reminder of why this is so important to me.

Thank you!

The busiest time of year

2009-04-29T08:29:00.003-05:00

It's the end of another semester, which is always such a busy time for university people. I have two classes left to teach, and one class that will have a party on the last day (fun!). To add to the fun, I'll present a paper at a conference in about a week and a half, and then the week after that is graduation. And of course, my students will be submitting final projects next week. Wow.

But for now, a little break. Since I have been teaching Monday and Tuesday nights all semester, Wednesdays have been pretty quiet. I have some work to do, but it's not very pressing.

Life is moving along. I'm looking forward to summer plans. The contents of my apartment are slowly being given away, and almost everything will go by the third week of June. There's a sister nearby from a different order who is moving into her own apartment, and she's going to raid my kitchen supplies. Some of my furniture is going to my brother, and the rest will be sold or given away to Catholic Charities. It all seems pretty complicated, but I'm glad it's working out.

All in all, things are simply moving along.

Holy Week and Easter

2009-04-16T09:17:00.004-05:00

Jesus is Risen! Alleluia!

I love Holy Week and Easter, but it always throws me off track a bit. Part of it is simply the different schedule. Since I sing in the church choir, I'm there for everything, usually including Wednesday evening practice. I love all of the services, but there doesn't seem to be enough time to do them all and to get a full night's sleep.

But part of the reason I find the season difficult is all the emotions. On Thursday, we celebrate ministry, and this year I found myself reflecting on the great value of each individual's contribution. The whole of humanity was present Thursday, represented by the twelve who came up for the footwashing, male and female, old and young, of different nationalities. All had their feet washed by the priest. It was beautiful.

On Good Friday, we see the starkness of death, of loss, of the pain and suffering of Jesus. We also do the extended general intercessions, where we pray for people of all backgrounds throughout the world. We are reminded that Jesus suffered and died for each of us, but that there is still suffering all around. It is a painful day, a black day--and in fact, they used to wear black vestments on Good Friday. I'm glad that's not the practice any more.

Holy Saturday is just a weird day. Jesus is in the tomb--what do we do? Traditionally, this is the day we believe that he "harrowed hell," and released from death those who were holy, and brought them to heaven. It is a day of silence, and (since we know something big is coming) of preparation.

And then there is the joy of the Easter celebration. The Easter Vigil lies between, connecting the sorrow of death with the joy of the Resurrection. The rituals march us through the transition -- from darkness into light, from the Old Testament into the Gospel, from silence into joyful song with bells and organ. The Exsultet, sung at the beginning prepares us for what is to come:

Rejoice, heavenly powers!
Sing, choirs of angels!
Exult, all creation around God's throne!
Jesus Christ, our King, is risen!
Sound the trumpet of salvation!

It makes me grin -- and cry -- every time. The joy is so palpable!

Images: www.godweb.org, www.ibiblio.org, www.southsidebaptistgriffin.com

"How Did He Open Your Eyes?"

2009-03-22T16:17:00.005-05:00

The Gospel reading for today really struck a chord with me. (We used the "Year A" option, for there were Catechumens and Candidates with us.) The reading was John 9:1-41, the healing of the man blind from birth.

The part that caught my attention especially was when the Pharisees were questioning the healed man about how he was healed, doubting his answers and asking him repeatedly. They ask, "How did he open your eyes?"

I find myself asked often "How did you decide to enter a religious order?"

I can relate to the answer of the healed man (one of several answers he has to give the persistent Pharisees): "One thing I know is that I was blind and now I see."

How did I decide to enter a religious order? I don't really know. I just know that one day Jesus opened my eyes to see that this is the path he wishes me to take. In a lot of ways, I don't see it as my decision at all, even though (of course) I did freely choose it, and I know I am free to choose another path.

I can give all sorts of little answers to the question--about how I'm a theologian, so Catholicism is really important to me; that I have a desire to grow spiritually and to serve others; that I am attracted to this particular group of sisters because of their combination of contemplation and apostolic ministry, as well as their educational focus....

But none of these answers is nearly as strong in my mind as that gentle tug that I feel from Jesus to love Him with my whole being, and to give myself to this way of living Love.

So Much to Do

2009-03-16T21:26:00.002-05:00

I feel like I've been neglecting this humble blog! It's certainly not intentional, but there just seems to be so much that must get done!

That said, all is well. My spiritual director spoke with me about contentment this week. He has great reflections on that word, and I hope he writes about it soon. We talked about how being content with your life (with all the content of your world, self, mind, etc) makes everything seem right, and enables you to follow God's call.

I realized that I am quite content. Yes, there is a lot to do. Yes, my world is changing very drastically, and very soon. But I'm content. I like what's going on, and I know God is with me, leading me on this mysterious journey. I'm happy, but it's that happiness of contentment--of satisfaction with my life and world.

On another note, I've been receiving some wonderful email notes from sisters who've heard that I will be entering the Society. They are often words of encouragement and joy. Most have a few words of advice. The best message I've received is a reminder that God is always faithful, and that if I trust in God, all will be well.

I'm content, happy!

Image from www.strobertparish.org

So, what's next?

2009-03-01T21:11:00.002-06:00

Things are starting to settle down from my big YES that you can read about in the last post.

So it's time to ask, what happens now?

For now, I stay where I am until the summer. I will move at the beginning of August. For a year, I will be in what's called "Candidacy," which is what used to be called "postulancy" (and still is in some religious orders). I will live in a house with a community of sisters and work full time in a ministry that's consistent with the mission of the Society.

For me, that means teaching in a university. For other people who enter religious life, their work has to change--and sometimes it changes very dramatically. In my case, I already teach theology at a Catholic institution, so what I do is already consistent with religious life. In the future, my ministry might change, but for now this is where I'm being called.

There are also many variations on housing in today's religious orders. The Society of the Sacred Heart usually lives in smaller communities of 4-7 sisters. Their houses are normal houses in normal neighborhoods. I really like this way of living (at least as an outsider looking in!). It includes shared responsibilities and space, but it seems a little more intimate than a big convent might be. I know that community life will be a challenge for me--I've lived alone for a long time--but I'm looking forward to it.

That's all for now!

The YES!

2009-02-26T14:27:00.005-06:00

I have big news to share--the Society of the Sacred Heart accepted me to begin formation! I will enter the community as a Candidate beginning in August.

I am so thankful, so grateful, so humbled by this news. These women are amazing, and they have welcomed me into their lives, even to become one of their sisters. I am grateful to God for the calling, and grateful to the sisters for helping me to hear it and for hearing it with me.

There is (of course) much more in my heart, but I will end with a quote from St. Madeleine Sophie Barat, which I offer as a prayer for each of us:

"Give up all self-seeking and leave space for the Spirit of Jesus. Once this process is complete, everything goes like a vessel powered by steam: it is the breath of the Spirit that moves everything along."

Amen!

Image from cuorhome.net

Friday Five: Taking a Break

2009-02-20T07:53:00.003-06:00

From RevGalBlogPals:

Where we live, it's February School Vacation Week!

Yes, that's an odd thing, a vacation extending President's Day. But it's part of our lives here. Some people go South or go skiing, but we always stay home and find more humble amusements.

In that spirit, I offer this Taking a Break Friday Five. Tell us how you would spend:

1. a 15 minute break
Probably walking down the hall to talk to a friend, and grabbing a cup of coffee.

2. an afternoon off
Now, that really depends on how ambitious I am feeling. Often, I will spend a couple of hours reading in the cafe of a bookstore. Sometimes I get the energy to go for a walk through the botanical gardens (it's about a 40 minute drive from home) or to work out. And then I would plan a nice dinner, since I'm often eating on the run.

3. an unexpected free day
Sleep In! Probably much like my afternoon off, but with some putzing around the house. And a matinee movie. There always seems to be something good in the theaters lately.

4. a week's vacation
I've been trying to plan one of these, and the possibilities are competing for attention! I like to visit family or friends for vacations, mostly because I don't see them much throughout the year. So I would probably go to see my brother and his wife in Maryland, or my best friend and her family in New Orleans. At other times of the year, I visit my mom in Oregon or my dad in Montana.... Even that conveys the sense that my loved ones are all over the map!

5. a sabbatical
What an intriguing question. At this stage in my career, I would probably want to go to France to do some research. I mean, if you have the excuse to go to Paris (such as research), why resist?

Almost there

2009-02-13T08:37:00.003-06:00

So, I know my blog has been ignored for awhile.... I think it's about those "unbloggables" as some people say. Not to worry. All is fine.

My final interview for the application process is next Wednesday, and then the Society is supposed to make their decision shortly after that! I'm excited and at peace with all of it. And I am grateful to be able to say that (thank you, Jesus!).

Please send up a little prayer this week. Many blessings to each of you!

Thirty

2009-02-01T16:25:00.003-06:00

30 = 2 x 3 x 5

30 days hath September,
April, June, and November

30 years ago, Mother Teresa was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize

When Jesus was about 30, he started his public ministry.

And... I am officially 30 today. Happy birthday to me!

I pray this year for peace in my heart and in our world. I pray in thanksgiving for all my beautiful friends and family. I pray that this year, I might become God's heart in the world just a little more every day.

A Passage for Today

2009-01-23T15:58:00.002-06:00

Wisdom 11:22 - 12:2

Because the whole world before you
is like a speck that tips the scales,
and like a drop of morning dew
that falls to the ground.
But you are merciful to all,
for you can do all things,
and you overlook people's sins,
so that they may repent.

For you love all things that exist,
and detest none of the things
you have made,
for you would not have made anything
if you had hated it.

How would anything have endured if you had not willed it?

Or how would anything not called forth by you have been preserved?

You spare all things, for they are yours, O Lord,
you who love the living.
For your immortal spirit is in all things.

Therefore you correct
little by little
those who trespass,
and you remind and warn them
of the things through which they sin,
so that they may be freed from wickedness
and put their trust in you, O Lord.

Reflections on Being Called

2009-01-10T08:30:00.004-06:00

I'm (again) in the middle of many books! The two dominant ones are Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston and The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris.

The Cloister Walk is fascinating, with the author's Protestant faithful perspective on the liturgy of the hours and monastic living. She seems more catholic than she lets on! She discusses the saints and humanity in beautiful language, and what she says speaks to me in unexpected ways. Here's one example, from a discussion of Jeremiah:

"All of us, I suspect, have times when we're made to suffer simply for being who and what we are, and we become adept at inventing means of escape. ... Jeremiah reminded me that the pain that comes from one's identity, that grows out of the response to a call, can't be escaped or pushed aside. It must be gone through. He led me into that heart of pain, forcing me to recognize that to answer a call as a prophet, or a poet for that matter, is to reject the authority of credentials, of human valuation of any kind, accepting only the authority of the call itself." (p.38)

A few pages later:
"Walter Brueggeman, in a book on the prophets entitled Hopeful Imagination, suggests that 'a sense of call in our time is profoundly countercultural,' and notes that 'the ideology of our time is that we can live "an uncalled life," one not referred to any purpose beyond one's self.' I suspect that this idol of the autonomous, uncalled life has a shadow side that demands that we resist the notion that another might be different, might indeed experience a call. Our idol of the autonomous individual is a sham; the truth is we expect everyone to be the same, and dismiss as elitist those who are working through a call to any genuine vocation. It may be that our culture so fears the necessary other that it has grown unable to identify and name real differences without becoming defensive about them."

These words speak to my own internal struggles with a vocation and how it is perceived. All of us know that choosing religious life is countercultural--who else gives up sex, money, and power? But, of course, there's more to it than that. In my heart, there is the knowledge that if I don't listen to this calling, even if it leads me back to where I started, I will not be happy. I will not be at peace with myself and with God. Despite any hardships that listening to the call might bring.

Babies

2009-01-10T08:20:00.002-06:00

I just came home from a lovely week with my dearest friend and her three-month-old baby. I miss her so much--we have lived in different cities for about a year and a half, and I still wish that I could see her more often than I do.

One of the interesting things about our relationship is how it has stayed strong, even though I am choosing a celibate life, and she got married and started a family. It helps that she's into religious things, since she (and her husband, too) understands my calling and sees it as a blessing. I'm very grateful for that, and it allows us to keep close even when our lives are very different. And of course, I value her way of life as well. Who wouldn't love a beautiful family, a precious babe?

Our friendship has changed, as she becomes a mother and her world is dominated by the needs of the little one. It's something that I enjoy watching, but at the same time I miss our old friendship, where I could claim more attention. Doesn't that sound selfish! I think she might miss it too, miss having more freedom to do what she wants. I know she wouldn't change it for the world, that she loves that little boy more than anything, but I know also that this transition is hard on both of us.

It's always funny to me that the most beautiful things in life are also some of the most difficult things to adjust to. Moving into something new is exciting, but it is also a time to mourn what you are leaving behind.

Beginnings and Endings Friday Five

2009-01-02T09:01:00.004-06:00

The following comes from RevGalBlogPals. Conveniently, the questions are things I was reflecting on yesterday:

This Celtic Mandala represents life, noting how days and years turn from one to another. As we have stepped from 2008 into 2009 some of us look back with joy and others with sadness; probably most of us with a mixture of the two.

As we look back we may come to understand how God has worked in and through us in joy and sadness. how we have grown against what may seem impossible odds. As we look forward we may do so with expectation, and we may do so with fear and trembling. As we look back and forward in New Years liminality I offer you this simple yet I hope profound Friday Five in two parts:

First list five things that you remember/ treasure from 2008

Then list five things that you are looking forward to in 2009

As you read one anothers blogs today I challenge you to leave a word of encouragement and pause to pray for each member of Revgals as we step into a New Year. I leave you this New Year Blessing from the Iona Community:

We stand to face the future:

God behind us in the past

Christ before us; the way ahead;

Christ beside us in this moment;

Christ beneath us in our weakness;

Christ above to shield us-

beneath the shadow of his wings we are safe;

Christ between us to bind us in the unity of his love;

Christ in us equipping us with his all sufficient grace.

Thus armed and guided, and protected we face the new year.

Now we arise and go forth on the journey before us,

knowing that, where Christ leads, life is a journey home.

Therefore we travel in faith, in hope, and in love,

in the name of the Father/ Mother, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

May the blessing of God

be upon us

all this year

and into eternity. Amen.

Five things I remember and treasure from 2008:

Beginning and going through the application process for the RSCJ. It's been a long road that's not over yet, but I have learned so much about myself. I think also that in the process I am becoming a stronger person and more confident in who I am.
Spending time with my best friend as she prepared to have her first baby. I will meet the baby next week!
Becoming more at ease in a new place. I moved here in 2007, and 2008 has been a year of greater comfort, more friends, and finding a place in this community. It is good even though I will be leaving this community over the summer.
Spending time with the sisters at the retirement facility in California. I spoke with one sister for awhile and she said some things about religious life that I will never forget. She said that you have to "date God" and never stop. That this is a beautiful thing, and one that brings great joy. She also has the gift of tears, and she simply radiated joy and love. It was a very special conversation, as were others with those sisters.
I am thankful for the many weeks I have been able to spend with the sisters. Each time I am with them, no matter where it is (New Orleans, St. Louis, San Francisco, Chicago....) it feels more and more like the place I want to be for the rest of my life. I am grateful that I have had the many opportunities to stay with them and to become a part of their lives as they become a part of mine.

Things I look forward to in 2009:

I'm ignoring the whole "five" thing just to explain what I look forward to. I'm hoping this year will be one of profound life changes, as I become more and more who I am and who God wants me to be. It's exciting and a bit scary at the same time, but for today at least, I am up for the adventure!

The year of new adventures begins (I hope) with acceptance into the Society of the Sacred Heart. I should hear the final word in February, and so then I can begin to think more about the next year, as we discern together where I will go and what I will be doing. The possibilities are pretty open, though I hope to continue teaching at the college level for the next year as well.

I'm looking forward to living in a house, in community with the sisters, even though I know it will be a challenge.

I'm looking forward to a new city, a new job, a new form of life. Again, these things are challenging, but they are also (I hope) full of blessings.

So, this year will be one of blessings, one of friendship, one of growing relationships. And one of hope. May each of you have a year full of God's love as well.

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T19:45:00.004-06:00

A friend sent this image, along with a forward that got me thinking. First, I love the image. And the text that was with it talks about letting go of the people who have hurt you, of not bringing those wounds into the new year.

I'm finally home after a week with the sisters for interviews and stuff, and a week with family for Christmas. So tomorrow, New Years Day, is going to be all mine. I need some time to reflect, and I will include this in my reflection.

What sorrows and wounds do I need to leave behind for the new year?
What are the blessings that I will bring forward with me into the future?

I have so much to be thankful for, and so many people live in my heart. I am looking forward to a beautiful year, full of graces and changes, and challenges as well.

God's grace to you this New Year!

The Word

2008-12-25T14:36:00.003-06:00

And the Word became flesh

and made his dwelling among us,

and we saw his glory,

the glory as of the Father's only Son,

full of grace and truth.

May we always remember the great gift we have received when Christ humbled himself to share in our humanity, to experience our joys and sufferings, our love and our worries. I pray that we can find comfort in the fact that all the hardships and all the blessings we receive were experienced by Jesus also, that we are not alone in our journey.

I pray that we find the Love we need and seek, in our family, friends, and in God. I pray that through love, we each might experience the healing that will make us whole.

Image from antiqueclipart.com.

One Very Long (and Productive) Week

2008-12-22T10:37:00.004-06:00

I just returned last night from a full week in St. Louis, completing much of the application to the Society of the Sacred Heart. I'm happy to report that all went well, and that the application is almost finished!

One of the big things about discernment has been self-discovery. I wonder how many people really consider who they are as deeply as someone who is exploring religious life. This last week was yet another opportunity to learn about myself, with a psychologist pointing out both my weaknesses and my strengths. It was a growth-filled experience, though it leaves me with some sadness about my past. I hope that the things I (and the Society) learned will be helpful in formation and community living.

It was a lovely week with the sisters. I stayed in two different houses, and greatly enjoyed being in each one. I am grateful for the brief glimpse at community living! I look forward to having it full time. (Knowing also that full time will be a bit more challenging than a one-week stint!)

Friday Five: Window to the Soul

2008-12-12T08:34:00.003-06:00

From RevGalBlogPals:

This Friday Five is inspired by my husband's Lasik surgery yesterday....He'd been contemplating it for a while and was pushed over the edge by the fact that we put too much money in our healthcare spending account this year and it would have been gone anyway. (There was only enough for one eye, but the kind people at the eye clinic figured out a way to divvy up the charges between surgery and followup in January=next year's spending account). So please say a little prayer for his safe recovery and share with us your thoughts on eyes and vision.

1. What color are your beautiful eyes? Did you inherit them from or pass them on to anyone in your family?
My eyes are blue. From my mom's side of the family--though most of them have lighter blue eyes than mine. Mine are pretty dark blue. No passing them on--the whole nun thing gets in the way of that! But my brother and sister in law have a good chance at blue-eyed babies.

2. What color eyes would you choose if you could change them?
I love the color of my eyes! I would not change them if I could!

3. Do you wear glasses or contacts? What kind? Like 'em or hate 'em?
I wear Rigid Gas Permeable Contacts. Capitalized because they feel like that on the eyes. I wear them and I like them because they let me see a lot better than glasses do, but they are not terribly pleasant or convenient, though I can usually wear them for most of the day without complaint. Really, it's worth it for the better vision.

4. Ever had, or contemplated, laser surgery? Happy with the results?
Contemplated it. It's a no. But a couple of friends have had it with great results.

5. Do you like to look people in the eye, or are you more eye-shy?
In the eye! But not always.

Bonus question: Share a poem, song, or prayer that relates to eyes and seeing.
"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way." There's so much about sight that is a part of faith--Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe! Yet we also say that those who understand (even by faith), "see." It's just such a useful image.

Much of my dissertation had to do with the image of light as knowledge, knowing things because Light has touched you--that too is about "sight."

I wonder what implications that has when we talk about looking people in the eye, and the eye being the window to the soul.

Thank you, Sophia!

A very silly blog quiz.

2008-12-11T23:16:00.001-06:00

So, Sr. Susan did this quiz over at Musings of a Discerning Woman, and I thought I would follow suit. It has the oddest questions, but the outcome is sort of funny.

Your Spiritual Number is Five

You bring adventure and change to people's lives.

You are willing to challenge your friends and push them to grow.

Right now, your life is about figuring out where to direct your energy.

If you're not careful, you can become too unreliable or flighty. You need the perfect project.

You live a free form life - which allows you to be very innovative and a great problem solver.

Rules, schedules, and structure practically destroy you. You have to do things your own way.

What's Your Spiritual Number?

God Acting

2008-12-09T07:51:00.003-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about God in action. My spiritual director talks about "God-acting" and this idea has stuck with me.

God never changes, and God created us. So if God once created, then God is always creating, because to stop creating would be to change. The Creator God is Creating God, always acting in every one of his creations to keep us going.

There's a second side to the image, too. God is always making us holy. We are sinful, human, full of mistakes, but God makes us holy, and God is always making us holy.

Perhaps that's good to remember when I feel especially sinful or unworthy of God's love. I'm worthy of God's love because God is making me holy--because God says I am worthy!

With that, I feel humbled by God's greatness.

Advent Friday Five--Simplicity, Light, and Beauty

2008-12-05T08:11:00.006-06:00

There is a lovely reflection on Advent at the source for this Friday Five, RevGalBlogPals. I'll quote part of it here:

Advent calls us into the darkness, a time of quiet preparation, a time of waiting, and re-discovering the wonder of the knowledge that God is with us. Advent's call is to simplicity and not abundance, a time when we wait for glorious light of God to come again...

Christ is with us at this time of advent, in the darkness, and Christ is coming with his light- not the light of the shopping centre, but the light of love and truth and beauty.

What do you long for this advent? What are your hopes and dreams for the future? What is your prayer today?

In the vein of simplicity I ask you to list five advent longings....

My five advent longings:
1. Peace. Above all peace. Peace in our churches, among our churches, in our nation, in every nation on earth. Peace in each person's heart. Peace given to our environment, as we take what we need from the earth. Peace in our dealings with everyone that we meet and in every action that we take. I keep dreaming of a day when peace will reign on earth, and I hope that this dream will continue to unfold in the world.

2. Along with peace goes Love. I am drawn to the phrase from a movie from a few years ago, "Love Actually Is All Around." So it is! God our Creator is Love! And God is with us always and everywhere, loving us into being, creating us constantly and lovingly. It's such a beautiful image of God--that never-stopping love and creation.

I've been thinking lately too, that we see much violence and hatred. But I think if we each consider our everyday encounters with others, we will discover that most people in this world run on love, are ruled by love. Only a few are ruled by hate, and unfortunately they get the attention of the news.

3. An End to Fear. (Yes, I know these are all theological idealisms... but what else can a theologian do??) Would it not be beautiful if each of us could live our lives detached from our possessions and concerns in such a way that we no longer act out of fear? What do we have to be afraid of? In the end, even our greatest fears have been conquered by the Risen Christ. [I say all that knowing that fear is one of those things that haunts my world just as it does everyone else's.]

4. Reducing Materialism. There is a beautiful program to that effect called JustLiving. I can't find the website right now, but I'll figure it out and put it up later today. There are additional benefits to reducing our materialistic tendencies as well: it reduces our usage of the earth's resources, and it reduces our trash.

Update: I found it! Check out the website for Just Living!

5. HOPE! Hope in all the goodness within us and within our world, created by Love. Hope that Christ is coming again to draw us to himself. Hope that love and peace will prevail over fear.

Work of the Mind

2008-12-01T15:48:00.002-06:00

There is a great quote from John O'Donohue's Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom:

"I was raised on a farm….. There is great satisfaction in farmwork. Even though it is difficult, you still see a great return for your work. When I left home, I entered the world of thought, writing, and poetry. This work is in the invisible realm. When you work in the territory of mind, you see nothing. Only sometimes are you given the slightest little glimpse of the ripples from your effort. You need great patience and self-trust to sense the invisible harvest in the territory of the mind. You need to train the inner eye for the invisible realms where thoughts can grow, and where feelings put down their roots." (p. 134)

It's so true--the work of academics, of graduate school and beyond is a work that is hard to see, difficult to quantify, and that often seems like it is not progressing.

For all my friends who are dissertating: keep going! You may not see the progress, but you must trust that your work will come to something.

Morning Prayer

2008-11-30T07:48:00.003-06:00

Today's morning prayer is the first for Advent, and this, from the reading, caught my eye:

"It is now the hour for you to wake from sleep, for our salvation is closer than when we first accepted the faith. The night is far spent; the day draws near. Let us cast off deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light." (Rom. 13:11-12)

Advent is the time of anticipation--and it is good to feel the anticipation in Paul's writings, to remember that he believed Christ would come again in his own lifetime. There is energy, excitement, and a strong call of repentance wrapped in that expectation.

So, let us turn away from dark deeds, and don the armor of light!

Giving Thanks

2008-11-30T07:34:00.003-06:00

Happy (Belated) Thanksgiving!

I am enjoying a long weekend with my brother and his wife. We've explored dinosaur tracks (yes, real ones), and we will see King Tut tomorrow morning. Exciting.

I am thankful for my lovely family. It is great to have the siblings here this weekend, and I'm happy knowing of the wonderful support that I get from them and from the rest of my family as well. I can't imagine how hard it would be if they didn't approve of my choice to enter religious life. I'm grateful that they do.

The last few days have had beautiful weather, everything from rain to sunshine--lots of sunshine. It's beautiful. Thank you, God, for the land that we live on, the beauty of sunshine, rain, and changing leaves. Thank you for the peace in my heart and the joy in my soul.

St. Rose Philippine Duchesne

2008-11-18T20:38:00.002-06:00

Happy Feast Day!

Today we celebrate the feast of St. Rose Philippine Duchesne, dear friend to the Society of the Sacred Heart's foundress, St. Madeleine Sophie Barat.

Philippine brought the Society to America in 1818, in a daring journey from Paris to New Orleans, and then up the Mississippi River to St. Louis, where she established schools and eventually was laid to rest (in St. Charles, just outside St. Louis).

I am in awe of the amazing things that Philippine did during her lifetime. She had a persistent calling to serve the Native Americans from very early in life, which she only realized when she was 72 years old and rather sick. She earned the respect of the Potawatomi, and became known as Woman Who Prays Always.

I want to share a quote from the journal of the voyage from France to New Orleans. The voyage itself was very difficult, and the ship they travelled on was threatened by storms many times. All aboard were quite seasick for much of the time.

This particular quotation was written by one of Philippine's companion sisters on the trip, after they had come to the mouth of the Mississippi.

"After that, the view was sheer delight. Poplars planted along both banks, and during the night the fireflies made a light stronger than glow-worms. We saw several crocodiles from a distance. One of a small species was caught, it was an ell in length and like a lizard with speckled black skin and toad-like paws. The cook told us it was good to eat. The voyage became more interesting from day to day. We were seeing inhabitants, ... herds of cows, charming woods."

The journal goes on to describe the various animals, people, and plants that they encounter. I can only imagine the wonder at such wildlife and wild territory, so different from their home in France.

So, Happy Feast! Philippine died in 1852, and was canonized in 1988.

Gratefulness

2008-11-13T00:43:00.003-06:00

I am really blessed.

My friends are truly wonderful. It's not that anything happened to me today, I have just been thinking about spending time with friends lately, people I don't often get to see. And I miss them--but I also just feel so loved and blessed, even from afar.

May God always be at their sides!

Yes!

2008-11-09T16:55:00.000-06:00

I have been approved to continue with my application!

Thank you, God!

What is the nature of woman?

2008-11-09T16:34:00.002-06:00

I've had some interesting conversations lately about the nature or essence of a woman.

And now I just have more and more questions about it.

It seems clear that the church wants to distinguish between men and women in order to (1) say that women cannot be ordained and (2) outline particular roles of men and women in society, especially marriage.

I have some issues with this, but my primary issue has to do with the fact that women are considered so different from men. We're not so different. There is much about the human person that is pretty universal.

But I think we also know that there is something that is different between men and women. So, what is it?

This all has to do with theological anthropology--how Christians view the nature of humanity, particularly in relationship with God.

Back to the question: what is it about a woman that makes her a woman?

I think the answer lies in a relational attitude. Unfortunately, this is usually simplified to a mother-child relationship. What about women who never become mothers? My identity as a single Catholic woman is not bound up in my ability to bear children--though I would never deny that that is part of who I am. There is more to me than a womb!

So, my partially formed conclusions so far are that being a woman is uniquely relational, that women are more attuned to human relationships (generally) than men are. This is reflected in motherhood, but also in a tendency to put the needs of others above her own in other circumstances. Does a woman have a greater capacity for unconditional love than a man?

Anyone have any insights? I would love to hear them, either in the comments or by email. This issue is (I believe) fundamental to the church's conception of the human person, and a tad bit neglected (or misrepresented) in theological discussions and church documents.

Has it really been a month and a half??

2008-11-06T22:54:00.003-06:00

Time flies.

Especially when life is busy and complicated.

But it is time to "check in" once again, and to fill in my bloggy world with some info.

The biggest news since my last post is the successful beginning to the interview process. I had the first of my interviews for acceptance into the RSCJ at the beginning of October, and it went well. It was a learning experience--recounting many of the relationships I've had throughout my lifetime, and seeking to understand how they shaped me. It was also not easy: to look at myself and my history means acknowledging the bad alongside the good.

But in the end it was a positive and growing experience.

And more on the news front: my application will be on the agenda for a special meeting tomorrow, in which it will be decided whether I should move forward.

So, many prayers for a positive outcome!

The Big Announcement Part 2

2008-09-21T14:35:00.005-05:00

What 's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.
Romeo and Juliet, 2. 2

And now....

Now that I have finally announced to my little world that I want to be a nun, I can announce to my virtual nun-friends that I have a name!

My name is --
Juliet

That's right, like "Romeo and Juliet."

Big happy sigh.

Though I might still go by Sophie's Daughter...since that status is my goal after all.

The Big Announcement

2008-09-21T14:20:00.004-05:00

Well, I finally did it.

I told my boss that I want to be a nun.

And that I would not be returning for the next school year.

It went well. I am so thankful to finally have that "out of the bag" - and to be able to speak freely about my vocation and my desires. It has been frustrating to have all of that very carefully guarded.

My boss and my co-workers were all very sweet, some excited and some just happy for me. I knew that would be the case, that (since I am in a Catholic environment) the people I work with would be happy about this whole thing.

I have two weeks until my first interview for the application to the Society. I'm not really nervous, but then sometimes it hits me and I am. I am excited for things to get underway.

And I am sooo happy to have the whole announcement thing over with!

And so we begin once again.

2008-09-07T08:51:00.003-05:00

Well, enough about the kitties.

Life is full and busy. The semester started, and my classes are going well. I have a wide assortment of students, anything from those who are well educated in the subjects I teach to those who have never had a theology course in their life.

I will be making a clear distinction between "catechesis" and "theology." I do not teach catechesis to graduate students--you may read your own copy of the Catechism if you need that background. I will be assuming that my students understand generally the basic tenets of the faith, so that we can delve into theological explanations.

On another note, my application is moving through the RSCJ. I just set up my first interview for the beginning of October. Pray for me!

Naming the boys

2008-09-07T08:46:00.002-05:00

So, I want to name the kittens, but I'm not sure what they should be called. They are both pure black with greenish eyes, and physically they are impossible to tell apart. Their personalities distinguish them, however.

Thoughts anyone?

My few ideas:
Yin and Yang (though they are both male)
Peter and Paul
Happy and Sleepy (from the 7 dwarfs, which means I'm Sneezy!)
Tick and Tock

I tend to call them my little munchkins!

Kitty update

2008-09-07T08:43:00.002-05:00

The boys are growing and filling out. They're a little less skinny (thank heavens), but they still want to nurse. They try to do so on my fingers, my toes, anything they think might provide what they seek!

They also chase each other around the living room, climb on anything that they can, and pounce! It's really fascinating to watch them learn how to live. They are grooming themselves (and each other), and I can tell that one is a little more advanced than the other. He's more likely to pounce and also jumps down from higher things.

So sweet! I know, everyone says that I will become attached and won't want to give them up, but I know that can't happen. Yes, I am becoming attached, but I really cannot keep these little cuties. Aside from the whole preparing for religious life thing (and thus giving up possessions), they make me sneeze!

My sweet boys

2008-09-02T21:18:00.007-05:00

I just volunteered to foster two little kitties--only about 4 weeks old! It's hard to tell their size, but the dishes in the background are saucers, for a little reference. They're precious. I don't have names for them yet, but I'm open to suggestions...

And no, I cannot keep them. Aside from the fact that I am allergic to cats, I am also trying my hardest to get rid of stuff, not acquire it! So if any of you readers out there would like to adopt a kitty in a month or so, they will be available. The woman who is "in charge" of their adoption said that they are just too little to be placed in a home alone--they need to be together for now. So, if you want two little kitties, let me know!

A Week of Accomplishments

2008-08-31T08:19:00.003-05:00

At the end of the summer it never fails: about half of the things the list of "things to do this summer" remains. But--the last few weeks are super-productive. So, here's an account of my productivity for the last week.

two syllabi are complete
two classes have been taught, and two more start soon
a translation that I started in May has been turned in
the extra readings for my fall class have been scanned and posted for student access
recycling was taken out (yay! floor space has returned!)
new friends have been invited to dinner next week (which means the apartment will be clean soon)
faculty meetings were attended (begrudgingly, I must admit)
most of my emails were answered
my desk was partially cleared off

Some big things did get done earlier in the summer: I turned in my complete application to the RSCJ over a month ago. That certainly cannot be overlooked! I'm now waiting for an initial interview, which should take place in September.

This week, I also started reading Mother Teresa's Come Be My Light. It's extraordinary--very beautiful, very touching. She was so devoted to the poor and to Jesus from the very beginning of her vocation as a Loreto nun. Her "vocation within a vocation" is an amazing call. I'm enjoying the book very much.

Happy Sunday, All!

Prayers to those in the southeast--especially New Orleans.

A morning in pictures

2008-08-25T13:47:00.006-05:00

Today I decided was mine... to do with what I please. I worked all weekend, and I need some time to process everything in my head. So I went, armed with my little camera and a book (Elizabeth Johnson's Quest for the Living God), to the arboretum.

There were few people there, probably because it's Monday, but many lovely flowers.

And some wildlife...

The waters are lovely.

In all it was only a couple of hours, but so refreshing to "escape" the city for a bit. I've only been here a year, and I'm still searching for nice parks with big trees. A place called "arboretum" seemed like a good place to look... and it was.

I didn't get to the book....

It's just one of those weeks....

2008-08-24T06:14:00.002-05:00

I'm here, I really am!

Classes just started, so the last week has been incredibly busy with preparations and planning.

I've also had some "friend issues" - of my own creation, of course. This week, for me, the hardest part about changing my life and moving toward religious life is the shift in friendships. My best friend is pregnant--which means that her life is changing, too. It also means that our priorities and goals are no longer the same. Though our friendship will not end (we are too close for that) it has to change. I don't like those changes very much right now.

I am thankful for all of my friendships. I have some wonderful people in my life, who help me to understand the sadness in my heart, as well as all the good things about life.

Feast of the Assumption of Mary!

2008-08-15T14:06:00.007-05:00

Happy Feast!

I have to admit that I have never been particularly devoted to the Blessed Mother. But, as I learn and read more, I am coming to appreciate her more and more.

I was asked to give a talk today on things Marian. I chose to use that invitation as motivation to finish reading Elizabeth Johnson's Truly Our Sister: A Theology of Mary in the Communion of Saints. It's a wonderful book, focusing on Miriam of Nazareth--the human person, living in a particular time and place.

So, I presented some of the material, and then reflected on the Magnificat with Johnson's assertions in mind. I'd like to share some of that reflection here.

The text of the Magnificat that I used is from the People's Companion to the Breviary:

My soul proclaims your greatness, O my God,

and my spirit rejoices in God, my Savior.

For your regard has blessed me, poor, and a serving woman.

From this day all generations will call me blessed,

for you, who are mighty, have done great things for me;

and holy is your Name.

Your mercy is on those who fear you, from generation to generation.

You have shown strength with your arm.

You have scattered the proud in their hearts’ conceit.

You have put down the mighty from their thrones,

and have lifted up the lowly.

You have filled the hungry with good things,

and have sent the rich away empty.

You have helped your servant Israel,

remembering your mercy,

as you promised to Abraham and Sarah,

mercy to their children forever. (Luke 1:46-55)

My reflections:

The history of the Hebrew people is bound up in their deliverance from overbearing political leaders, from those who do not believe in Yahweh.

Yet there is a challenge here also, a hope that the world is not going to remain in the oppression that is being experienced.

By remembering God’s acts, the community remembers that God will do this again—God will always lift up the lowly, will always isolate the proud to their own inner dissatisfaction, will always pull the mighty from their powerful positions.

What does that mean for us? Are we the lowly or are we the proud? Certainly, for Mary, the lowly were those who were quite literally at the bottom of society—the slaves, servants, peasants, farm workers, “blue-collar” people who live from paycheck to paycheck.

But what about us? What about me? It is so easy to say that I am one of the “spiritually humble,” one who acknowledges my own lowliness before the God who is all-powerful and all-merciful.
- But do I recognize the power I have over other people, the opportunities that my socio-economic status has given me that others do not have, through no fault of their own?

What do I do about it?

Am I content to live my comfortable life and ignore the needs of those in my world, my country, my city, my street?

How much am I willing to pull myself down, as God pulls down the mighty from their thrones?

How much am I willing to see what God sees and attempt to remedy the injustice in the world? How have I helped in God’s task of lifting up the lowly?

Quote: Imitating Christ's Love

2008-08-07T10:06:00.003-05:00

I'm preparing for fall classes, which means choosing reading assignments. Right now, I'm picking sermons from Bernard of Clairvaux, On the Song of Songs. I came across this lovely passage in Sermon 20:

Christian, learn from Christ how you ought to love Christ. Learn a love that is tender, wise, strong; love with tenderness, not passion, wisdom, not foolishness, and strength, lest you become weary and turn away from the love of the Lord. Do not let the glory of the world or the pleasure of the flesh lead you astray; the wisdom of Christ should become sweeter to you than these. The light of Christ should shine so much for you that the spirit of lies and deceit will not seduce you. Finally, Christ as the strength of God should support you so that you may not be worn down by difficulties. Let love enkindle your zeal, let knowledge inform it, let constancy strengthen it. ... So love the Lord your God with the full and deep affection of your heart, love him with your mind wholly awake and discreet, love him with all your strength, so much so that you would not even fear to die for love of him.

It goes on. What beautiful language. I am always so amazed to think that a holy one who lived centuries ago can still speak the words that my heart needs to hear, the encouragement that seems timeless.

New French Word

2008-08-02T11:41:00.002-05:00

Here's my new favorite French word:

vraisemblablement

A sound file of its pronunciation is here.

It means "in all likelyhood" or something along those lines.

Isn't it lovely? Seems to have too many letters, and in all the wrong order.

Friday Five Locked In / Out

2008-08-01T06:41:00.004-05:00

From RevGalBlogPals:

The "Lock Me Out, Lock Me In" Friday Five.

1) How do you amuse yourself when road construction blocks your travel?
Well, lately my travels have been by myself, so my amusement is in the audiobooks that are my companions. By the way, I mentioned last week that I had five with me--I listened to two. In keeping with the theme, one of them was on when I hit construction (fortunately, there was little of that this trip). The Lady and the Unicorn by Tracy Chevalier was great. I love historical fiction, and this one imagines the creation of those lovely French tapestries that illustrate the story of the lady and the unicorn. It's imaginative, has some historical data (though actually very little) and doesn't go too far in the direction of historical smut, like some of those novels do. I really enjoyed it.

2) Have you ever locked yourself out of your house? (And do you keep an extra key somewhere, just in case?)
Not really. I mean, I've been locked out before, but it wasn't my fault. I lived in a small apartment building, and someone broke their key off in the front door lock. So I had to buzz someone else to let me in. When I called the landlord to tell him that someone else had done it, he didn't believe me! He said, sure, it was someone else. How rude! It really was not me!

3) Have you ever cleared a hurdle? (And if you haven't flown over a material hurdle, feel free to take this one metaphorically.)
Hmm... dissertation takes the cake. And, no, I have never actually cleared a material track-and-field hurdle. Not even one of the little ones. Though in high school I carried them around a lot--I helped with set-up for track meets.

4) What's your approach to a mental block?
It seems that the best way to deal with it is to do something else, to take your mind off it completely. Of course, usually when one has a mental block, that's all one can think about. So this is more theory than actual practice!

5) Suggest a caption for the picture above; there will be a prize for the funniest answer!
"News flash! Three men escape from high-security inflexible men's prison. They are wearing yellow plastic, and they may be linked together. If you see any persons fitting this description, call the police."

A new type of prayer

2008-08-01T06:26:00.002-05:00

I'm reading all sorts of things in preparation for classes this fall. One of the books is Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O'Donohue.

Celtic spirituality is quite different from much of the history of western Christian spirituality. A striking difference is the unity of body and soul. Western theology is so hampered by dualism - whether we like it or not, this way of thinking has invaded Christianity.

O'Donohue speaks of how our body is not separate from our soul in any way, but he says that our body resides in our soul. I'm still working that one out, but it is a beautiful image.

He offers a way to pray:

Your body is in the soul, and the soul suffuses you completely. Therefore, all around you there is a secret and beautiful soul-light. This recognition suggests a new art of prayer: Close your eyes and relax into your body. Imagine a light all around you, the light of your soul. Then with your breath, draw that light into your body and bring it with your breath through every area of your body.

(p. 49)

Friday Five Road Trip

2008-07-25T07:12:00.006-05:00

From RevGalBlogPals:
We will be at a chaplain's convention when you all are answering the Friday Five Questions. I'll look forward to reading your answers next week when I get home. At the moment we are trying to get the car loaded so we can hit the road, so this will be a simple F.F. This running around madly in order to leave has me wondering: what are the five things you simply must have when you are away from home? And why? Any history or goofy things, or stories?

Oddly enough, I'm leaving on a road trip this morning too!
So this will be a practical answer version--the things that I have to remember to pack:

The gift for my friend's baby shower. I crocheted her a blanket--it's very pretty! And I put that here trusting that she won't have time to look at my blog between now and tomorrow morning. (Her in-laws are at her house--I think I'm safe!)
Water. Lots of water. It's too d--- hot to forget things to drink.
Traditionally, I forget to pack socks and pajamas. Socks are unnecessary this summer, but I must remember pajamas...
Books on CD. I only have time for two or three, but I always have lots of extras just in case. Today's variety includes two Agatha Christie mysteries (Hallowe'en Party and another that I can't remember), Steve Martin's novel The Pleasure of My Company, The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon, and The Lady and the Unicorn by Tracy Chevalier. The Agatha Christie ones are always fun. And Steve Martin is reading his own work, so I'm sure that will be fun too. I'll try to remember to post comments on the books when I get back.
Cell phone. I'm driving by myself through rural Louisiana. It's nice to have a little security.

Everyone, enjoy your weekend!

Pictures of the baby blanket:

Looking Out for Number One

2008-07-22T12:07:00.006-05:00

So, becoming a nun is counter-cultural.

Huh. I never would have thought. (Sarcasm drips...)

I've just been visiting some people, and while I had realized how different my mindset is becoming, it was really brought home to me this visit.

I'm a pretty quiet person, and so often I listen more than I speak. Which seems to mean that sometimes I hear lots more than I care to. This weekend, it was stories about sex (not my favorite topic), and a little bit about how "I used to be Catholic, but..." which usually ends in the sex abuse scandal.

And then there is the whole attitude about money and self-promotion. Here's a sample of one conversation:

A friend: So, what do you do about money?
Me: Well, the order takes care of my needs and my salary goes to them.
Friend: So, how does that work, exactly?
Me: I don't really know yet. It's not all that important to me.
Friend: I guess you never really have been focused on getting money.

And also about careers:
Friend: What if they ask you to do something that you don't want to do?
Me: Well, I'm not sure of all the details, but I know that we discuss those sorts of things together.
Friend: So, you can tell them what you want.
Me: Yes and no. It's a conversation, like if you were married, you wouldn't make big career decisions without consulting your spouse. I let them know what I think God is calling me to do, and we discuss the issue. If they need me to serve in a particular way, then I will take on that ministry.

I got the feeling from that conversation that my friend never really understood that I'm not "looking out for number one" anymore, but that my life will be in service to others. {As I write, perhaps it's that I'm looking out for number One? Doing what the Divine One needs?)

It makes me sad for two reasons: that the people I love don't really understand what I'm doing, and that so many people in the world are attached to sex, money, and self-promotion. I want to just shout--does this really make you happy? If it does, then why is it never enough???

But I'm trying to simply patiently explain what happens, and to hope that it starts to make sense to those I care about.

Father Damien to be canonized!

2008-07-16T16:53:00.009-05:00

I read a few days ago that Fr. Damien of Molokai was going to be canonized--how exciting! There is an article about it at Catholic World News, here.

I first heard about Father Damien by watching a documentary called An Uncommon Kindness: the Father Damien Story, which came out a few years ago and was narrated by Robin Williams. It's a very well done film--I highly recommend it, and have used it for several different courses on Christianity.

Part of the fascination is that it offers students a greater understanding of leprosy. Leprosy is mentioned so frequently in scripture, yet we generally don't have a clear understanding of what it is. This film includes images and interviews with people who have/had the disease (now called Hansen's Disease), and also those who were exiled because of it.

Ignatian Spirituality

2008-07-13T07:30:00.004-05:00

I just began reading a book by Joseph Tetlow, S.J., called Making Choices in Christ: The Foundations of Ignatian Spirituality. It's very good--a very clear explanation of the Ignatian version (flavor?) of spirituality, especially as it is lived out today. Fr. Tetlow makes the point that Ignatius always intended it to be used among the laity, and that this intention is being lived out very widely, especially since Vatican II.

He says that all traditional spiritualities are ways of life, in addition to ways of relating to God. This is an important point--how we relate to God and understand ourselves ought to influence how we live. It seems to me that this only happens after some self-reflection and consideration of our actions. (Which, by the way, is a particularly strong characteristic of Ignatian spirituality.)

Fr. Tetlow describes the difference between this spirituality and others: "Other spiritualities seek the God of love, or of beautiful order, or of truth. Ignatian spirituality seeks the God who is always at work in the world and in each heart. The purpose of the spirituality is to help us find how we are to work along with God to bring the reign of Christ to human life and good order to the natural world--to the everyday world as it is now." (p. 2) I think about some of the other spiritualities that he is talking about -- ones that speak only of my heart, my relationship with God. It seems that some of them are missing the crucial point of looking to the world and seeing God in it.

I just watched Hotel Rwanda. I am trying to reconcile in my mind the horrors of human hatred with the work of God in the world. But I think one thing Ignatian spirituality teaches me is that I have to look at the world and see the pain and suffering. That is the world, which is where we live, the situation we have to deal with here and now. So then, the question becomes, where is God in all of that suffering? In the aide workers, in all who seek to protect those in danger and comfort those who suffer.

It makes me so sad that we live in world where money is still considered more than people, than human life. But I have to remember that not everyone agrees, that there are many of us who would always stick up for anyone, even if they can bring us nothing more substantial than a smile or a little joy.

How do we change the world? I don't know--I know that I don't have control of the world. But I can change me, and I can show to others the love that God has for them. If enough of us want to do that, the world will change.

A Reflection on the World

2008-07-11T09:18:00.002-05:00

I've been writing some reflections for my application to the society, and I thought I would share this little bit:

I have never (and still do not) understood how we could separate God from the world, despite the attempt at separating church and state. Even when I took philosophy courses in college, I failed at arguing a position philosophically without making it theological. I very firmly believe that it is all united—body, spirit, World, Spirit. I cannot remove the “God” from my worldview anymore than I can remove my heart from my body.

I'm not sure when I realized it, but this worldview places me at odds with our society. I think this must be the case for many Christians who seek to live out their faith. How do we justify and explain what we do without some reference to God?

This seems most evident when I try to understand how an atheist or agnostic understands morality. For me, it is all wrapped up in the fact that human beings are precious, because they were created by God in God's image and likeness. That's the foundation of all Christian morality, really--that everyone must be respected because every life, every individual is so valuable.

Friday Five: Summer Camp

2008-07-11T07:09:00.006-05:00

From Mother Laura at RevGalBlogPals:

We're settling into our new new apartment, and after a lifetime at Montessori Katie is having a fantastic summer at YMCA day camp. Meanwhile, Nicholas is packing up for a week at Camp Julian, shared by the Episcopal dioceses of Los Angeles and San Diego. His lists of supplies and rules--except for the ropes course available to the teenagers and the ban on IPODs and cell phones--bring back memories of my own happy times weeks at Y camp Ta Ta Pochon, funded by selling countless cases of butter toffee peanuts. So, in celebration of summer, please share your own memories and preferences about camp.

1. Did you go to sleep away camp, or day camp, as a child? Wish you could? Or sometimes wish you hadn't?
I went to Legendary Lodge, by the Catholic diocese of Helena, Montana. It is a lovely place--on a peninsula in the lake, surrounded on three sides by water, with a mountain at the back. You have to take a boat to get there. Wish I could find a picture.

2. How about camping out? Dream vacation, nightmare, or somewhere in between?
I like camping, but it's been a long time. Camping in my family always meant a tent, sleeping bags, and hard ground. And, of course, campfires and smores. Nom nom nom.

3. Have you ever worked as a camp counselor, or been to a camp for your denomination for either work or pleasure?
I was a "volunteer" camp counselor at Legendary Lodge while in high school. It was a lovely way to escape the long (boring) summer!

4. Most dramatic memory of camp, or camping out?
Two things. The best memory of camp is climbing the mountain at sunrise. So lovely. And of camping: seeing a bear. Fortunately, it was as we were driving away (otherwise camping would have been a little uncomfortable).

5. What is your favorite camp song or songs? Bonus points if you link to a recording or video.
Hmmmm... I think I have to say the girl scout song:

Make new friends
But keep the old,
One is silver
And the other gold.
A circle's round
It has no end
That's how long
I want to be your friend.

Sappy, huh?

Wonderful Life

2008-07-10T20:59:00.003-05:00

I just watched "It's a Wonderful Life" the other night, and I love this part:

"What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You...you want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey! That's a pretty good idea! I'll give you the moon, Mary. ... Then you can swallow it, and it'll all dissolve see, and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of you hair ... "

I love Jimmie Stewart, and this is such a lovely film.

And then I started thinking... Moonbeams shooting out of fingers... Sounds like a miraculous medal, doesn't it?

Down from the clouds

2008-07-07T16:34:00.003-05:00

Well, in my last post, I was still on that just-returned-from-retreat high. I have to say that it has gone away. I am back to normal everyday work, which means teaching summer classes. It's going well (and quickly--the summer session is already half over).

I am also finishing the application for the Society. It is lengthy--about 20 pages of forms and short-answer questions, and then an "autobiography" section. I'm guessing that it is pretty similar to most religious orders nowdays. It also has gone surprisingly well, and I hope to turn it in in a couple of weeks. Just have a few things to collect first...like a baptism certificate, proof that I am actually Catholic! (I really am! I promise!)

I mentioned before that the spirituality conference gave me a new sense of love for God's creation. Several things have caught my eye lately in that regard. I finally started bringing canvas bags to the grocery store after reading (not for the first time) about how many end up in landfills and oceans, and how they come from petroleum.

I was also caught by the post over at Musings of a Discerning Woman, on the Jubilee Act that is going up for vote in the Senate shortly. It concerns debt cancellation for poor countries.

The Legislative Alert Center that she posted is an easy way to contact your senator.

Until later!

Energized

2008-07-01T16:07:00.004-05:00

This poor blog is so woefully out of date. Well, here is a brief post to say that all is well!

I just returned from the Sacred Heart Spirituality Forum in Chicago. It was a wonderful experience--one that gave me energy, hope, and peace to continue in my journey of discernment.

I will try to synthesize some of my experience in future blog entries, but for now this will have to be it. Suffice it to say that:
1. I feel profoundly loved.
2. I want to share that love with every person on the planet, and even with Mother Earth and the universe!
3. God is great, and greatly to be praised! Amen! Alleluia!

Photo: my own, from a mountaintop in Montana.

Friday Five - Words

2008-06-20T10:19:00.007-05:00

From Singing Owl at RevGalBlogPals:

This post is loosely based on previous "wordy" Friday Fives from Reverend Mother and Songbird. I liked the results, and so we are doing another word association . Theirs were based on words from a lectionary text. Mine comes from the Lovin' Spoonful song, "Summer in the City."

Think summer......are you there? Below you will find five words or phrases. Tell us the first thing you think of on reading each one. Your response might be simply another word, or it might be a sentence, a poem, a memory, a recipe, or a story. You get the idea:

1. rooftop
Over my head. Lots of things are over my head lately--my work (too much to do!), my discernment (ack!), and a very powerful summer sun.
(my own picture--rooftops in Paris, from Sacre Coeur)

2. gritty
Nitty Gritty (My mom's phrase). That phrase always makes me think of scrubbing floors on my hands and knees. Not that I ever really did that (at least not more than once or twice). Or of rolling up my sleeves to do a particularly dirty job.

3. hot town (yeah, I know, it's two words)
Yes, it is a hot town... hot, sticky, sweaty in the summer town! Yet in the song, I always thought the phrase was something else...
(Dallas, one hot summer city)
4. night
Stars. I haven't taken time to look at the stars for way too long. I just planned a trip to northern Montana in July, where I'll be camping with my dad. That should be a great opportunity to see more stars than can be seen in the city anyhow.
(Gotta love Van Gogh)

5. dance
in the rain!
(picture shamelessly borrowed from someone else's blog)

Reflecting on religious life

2008-06-17T16:34:00.004-05:00

I got out of the habit of blogging, and now it is hard to return! But I am finally back in my own home, and adjusting to a new summer schedule. So here's to blogging, once again!

I had a wonderful 3 weeks of travel, to California (both northern and southern) and to St. Louis, Missouri. I was fortunate to be able to attend the Jesuit ordinations in St. Louis--what a powerful ceremony. It was really a wonderful journey for me, and it helped me to see some things about religious life that I hadn't noticed before.

One of my concerns lately has been the question: how does living as a woman religious in today's world really contribute to the church? If we (women) can't be ordained, then what is the use of becoming part of the institution, so to speak?

I guess I struggle with this because I don't really understand the reasons for keeping women from priesthood to begin with (but that is another story for another time). Yes, I know what the church teaches, and I accept it for the sake of union, but it just doesn't make logical sense to me.

There is a second reason why I struggle with this issue: I believe that I do contribute to the church. I teach Catholic theology, and I feel that this is a gift that God has given to me, that I then share with the church. So, why become a nun? How does that make any difference at all? I mean, I contribute without being a nun, so what does it matter if my lifestyle is different?

I still don't know the answer. But watching the four men who were ordained Jesuits in St. Louis helped me to see that ordination for them does not define their service to the world. These are men who have lived religious life for over a decade each, and ordination (it seems to me) is simply another step of their formation and their life. It's not meaningless, but it also isn't what defines them in their lives as religious. They did not become Jesuits solely to be priests (if they did, they surely would have chosen something with a shorter formation program!), but their priesthood is part of a greater contribution to the Catholic world.

Maybe that's the distinction I need to see also. I do not want to become a nun to serve the church, per se, but to serve the world and the human beings who live in it. It's not about an institution, but rather it's about sharing God's love with people!

So while I don't really have an answer to my question, I have a better understanding of the value of religious life. It offers me a way to live that makes it easier to serve the world in a bigger way than I can on my own. That's certainly not the whole of it, but at least I feel like I've understood another little bit.

Home and Gone Again

2008-06-03T22:40:00.004-05:00

I'm only home for a couple of days before travelling again, but a post is long overdue here. My trip to San Francisco was wonderful. I spent about a week in Oakland, and then a couple of days at the nuns' retirement facility before returning home.

Both places were fantastic. In Oakland, I spent lots of time with an international group of RSCJ, learning a little more about their respective cultures, and the international charism of the order. Every sister I met is such a wonderful woman--so loving and self-giving, truly living out the love of God.

I had two days in the school, one working with kids of all ages for their Field Day, and a second tutoring a middle-school boy one-on-one. I'm certainly not experienced in such teaching, but it was a rewarding experience on many levels. It definitely requires one to be patient, but also not to be a push-over!

A couple of days with retired sisters will make anyone a happier person. These women are amazing. I know, I just said that a few paragraphs back! The women in the retirement facility range from in their 70s to 98. Many are over 90. Now, this is not a nursing home, but rather a place for rather independent women! All have served God and the world for so many decades in many different ministries, and their love for God and others radiates so strongly. I had some lovely conversations, and got some very profound advice.

In one conversation, we were talking about the discernment process as sort of "dating" God... The sister I was speaking with said, "Always keep dating God."

Excellent advice, no?

I can certainly tell that she was "dating" God, even after her decades of religious life.

I am very thankful for the time that I spent in California. I learned so much from each of these women. I am truly blessed to be a part of their community, and I look forward to being even more closely united with them.

Going West

2008-05-21T06:23:00.004-05:00

I am off to California!

I will be spending the next two weeks with Sisters, working in a school and meeting lots of new people. I'm excited!

from Psalm 49

2008-05-13T20:10:00.002-05:00

Be not afraid to discover the Treasure within,
to seek the gold hidden in the garden of your heart.
For inasmuch as you root out each fear,
will truth and peace and joy become your riches.
You will live in the realm of Love becoming a light,
a beneficial presence in the world.

O Spirit of Truth, You are our strength and our guiding light,
Lead us, O Love, to the eternal Treasure,
the Heart of all hearts.

from Nan Merrill's Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness

Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience

2008-05-10T16:14:00.004-05:00

I know it's been a while since I posted anything substantive. It's mostly just been so busy--the last week of the semester is upon us (thankfully), and I have papers to grade!

I'm in a good place generally. The good news is that I have been given permission to move forward with my application. I'm so happy! There is a lot of work to do with it, and a lot of discernment still in my path.... But it is work that helps me grow, and so I'm thankful for it.

One of the things on my mind lately is that last vow -- obedience. I've thought a lot about the other two, and I think for now they are settled in my mind. I don't think they will be easy to follow all the time, but I think I can come to terms with them and have started to already. I know that living them is freeing, that it leaves me open to love and to serve more completely.

Obedience is coming up now, as I realize that I want to decide where I go for my candidacy year (God willing that I am accepted). There are certain things I want to do and certain places I would rather spend that year. I am so accustomed to making all the decisions about my life and my job, about where I live and what I am doing, that I think it only just dawned on me that I need to let that go.

I think that the Society generally listens to its members and works with their talents, so I don't imagine that I will be completely excluded from the process. But I want to be in complete control! That is what I need to let go of.

I guess, what I am praying for now, is the freedom in my heart to walk away joyfully from university teaching, if that is where the Spirit blows.

Pentecost Friday Five

2008-05-09T07:16:00.004-05:00

Great questions from Presbyterian Gal at RevGalBlogPals:

FOR PENTECOST THIS WEEKEND:

FROM ACTS CHAPTER 2: 14-21 Then Peter stood up with the Eleven, raised his voice and addressed the crowd: "Fellow Jews and all of you who live in Jerusalem, let me explain this to you; listen carefully to what I say. These men are not drunk, as you suppose. It's only nine in the morning! No, this is what was spoken by the prophet Joel: " 'In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days, and they will prophesy. I will show wonders in the heaven above and signs on the earth below, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord. And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'

(My personal favorite in this passage is how Peter insists the men cannot be drunk because it's only 9:00 a.m.) Hey! Me Too!

Anyway, it's Pentecost and my very first Friday Five! Thinking about all the gifts of the spirit and what Peter said of the "last days"......

Have you or anyone you know

1. ...ever experienced a prophesy (vision or dream) that came true?

No, but I've had some weird dreams. And some moments when I just knew the phone would ring, or I would win in a drawing. I've also had dreams where I had some control over what was happening in them.. but that's probably another story for another time.

2. ...dreamed of a stranger, then actually met them later?

Nope.

3. ...seen a wonder in heaven? (including UFO's)

Mmmm... The greatest wonder I've ever seen in heaven was the plentitude of stars on a dark night in the country. I think the best place to see stars is in Montana during the winter (when nights are really really long). With no clouds and little disturbance from city lights, the skies are absolutely stunning. It's so amazingly vast, and yet imminently close--definitely one of God's greatest wonders.

4. ...seen a "sign" on the earth?

To stretch the question a little... when I was on a retreat a couple of years ago, a vocations retreat, a friend of mine kept saying "it's a sign" about everything. We slept in the old convent dormitory (it's a sign!) over Palm Sunday (it's a sign!). It snowed that night (it's a sign!) and we had to share keys to the front door (it's a sign!). It was pretty funny--anything can be a "sign" if you put your mind to it.
To stretch the question in another direction... I think I have seen signs along the path of discernment that indicate to me that I am moving in the right direction. Two come to mind. Several months into discernment for religious life, I found a short story that I had written in middle school. The heroine was a princess who basically rescued herself from calamity and rejected the prince. She remained single and lived happily ever after with her dog. (I still can't believe that I wrote it--but in retrospect, I never really dreamed about marriage at all as a kid. Though I also never dreamed of becoming a nun.)
The second sign is more recent. This week, I emailed a friend and told him that I was applying to become a sister with the Society of the Sacred Heart. He's a Franciscan friar, and his exact words in response were: "I'm so happy that you have discovered what many already suspected. . . that you have a calling to "religious" life." It made me laugh and cry at the same time. I do wonder who the "many" are.

5. ...experienced knowledge of another language without ever having studied it?

You know, once you've studied a few languages, you can pick up words here and there from many others. But that's really the only experience of language-knowing that I have ever had! It does seem like there are other ways of communicating, such as knowing what someone else needs, even if they won't say. I know that more than once I have called my mom at just the right moment, when she really needed some love and support. Once, she was actually following the ambulance with my grandmother in it to the hospital. Little events like that must be nudgings of the Holy Spirit.

Bonus Question: What would a modern day news coverage of the first Pentecost have sounded like?

Oh, I can't imagine that it would be good. It would probably look a lot like the coverage of cult activity (without the illegal nature of many cults).... lots of sensation and very little substance to the report.

2008-05-05T13:54:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, prayer's like this:

It's my Saturday!

2008-05-05T13:39:00.004-05:00

I just had to say that. While the rest of the world thinks it is Monday, I am taking a day off. Not that I didn't work for it--I worked all weekend in fact, and so I need a day off!

So what's on tap for a non-Saturday Saturday?

Well, it's already afternoon, and I'm still in my pajamas. That's a good start. I think I have to do some cleaning. I'll also take some prayer time. And I'm working on going through my junk and getting rid of some of the things I really don't need. You know, that stuff that I haven't used since I moved almost a year ago? Yep, going to St Vinnies. It's a good feeling to get it out of the closet.

Prayer

2008-05-03T22:09:00.003-05:00

From St. Madeleine Sophie:

Be in peace about the state of your soul and your manner of prayer; only love and do what you please. The essential thing and the proof of true love is forgetfulness of self and of one’s own interests to think only of those of the loved one…So what difference does it make how you pray provided that your heart is seeking the one you love.

The last line reminds me of other mystics--prayer as simply loving God. It seems that prayer for me needs to come in many forms--the liturgy of the church, silence in God's presence, contemplating the psalms or readings of the day. Lately for me, prayer comes with tears. Not just tears of sadness, though there are some of those, but also tears of joy, tears of anticipation, tears of fear, tears of remembering. I am thankful for the tears in a way, and I have to remind myself that tears, too, are a gift. Emotions are a part of being human, and so they are another way of expressing who I am and how I deal with the world.

(Many thanks, D, for the quote.)

Muppet Personality Blogthing

2008-04-26T22:59:00.000-05:00

Oh, I just couldn't resist this one....

You Are Scooter

Brainy and knowledgable, you are the perfect sidekick.

You're always willing to lend a helping hand.

In any big event or party, you're the one who keeps things going.

"15 seconds to showtime!"

The Muppet Personality Test

Friday Five, just for Fun

2008-04-25T08:22:00.004-05:00

From RevGalBlogPals:

Yesterday I had two separate conversations in which people were musing about how much change is occurring. The WW II generation, of which my mom is a part, went from horse and buggy to automobiles, saw the lessening, or even the end of many diseases, went from widespread use of kerosene lamps and outhouses (in the country, and most folks were rural)) to a totally electrified and plumbed society. The fastest means of communication was a telegraph. The second conversation--gulp--was about MY generation and how much change occurred in the last half of the 20th century. The person said his 13 year old had not seen a vinyl record album until a few days before, couldn't remember a time without cell phones, and on and on.

As for the questions!

1. What modern convenience/invention could you absolutely, positively not live
without?
I have to admit that it is hard to live without email. It is so nice to have a message from a friend when you least expect it, at any moment of the day that you happen to check. The disadvantage is that messages you don't want to see are there at any moment of the day as well, and those are often the ones that have to be answered even when I don't want to!

2. What modern convenience/invention do you wish had never seen the light of day?
Why?
My inclination is to say cell phone, but there are too many conveniences included with the annoyances. I might have to say cable television. What a supreme waste of time, and an incredible influence on our society's thoughts and desires. There are certain things that I would rather not be so easily accessible.

3. Do you own a music-playing device older than a CD player? More than one? If
so, do you use it (them)?
Well, my stereo has both a CD player and a cassette player, but I don't really use either of them. Thank you, mp3 player!

4. Do you find the rapid change in our world exciting, scary, a mix...or something
else?
A little bit of everything. There are definitely exciting things happening--like the end of certain diseases (though there are new ones that take their place) and the instant communication we have. But I think it also places a great deal of pressure on each of us to know what is going on and how to use the latest technology (which will, of course, be obsolete in about 30 seconds).

5. What did our forebears have that we have lost and you'd like to regain? Bonus
points if you have a suggestion of how to begin that process.
I think we've lost time and silence. I teach college students: they simply do not know how to be silent, at least not without their ipods and cell phones in their ears. That makes things like prayer, studying, self-reflection really hard. We each need a little more space to figure out who we are, and what will make us happy. How do we begin the process? I'm happy to say that I have given away my tv...that's a start. (Though I still can watch dvds on my computer.). And I think making time each day for silent prayer -- even if it's only 10 minutes at a time. I think everyone also needs to make sure they spend time with other people, in person, every day, not just on the phone or over facebook.

Those are my thoughts. What do you think?

Great song

2008-04-23T07:38:00.003-05:00

Harry Belafonte and the Muppets -- Turn the World Around

My favorite lines:
Do you know who I am?
Do I know who you are?
See we one another clearly
Do we know who we are?

Slacking...

2008-04-23T07:28:00.003-05:00

I'd been so consistent for a while, and now it's been over a week since my last post... So what has been in my head lately?

Walking every other day. Except today. Oops.
Rearranging my living room. Not done yet.
Planning classes for the summer and next semester.
Finishing classes--only 2 weeks left!
Making Baby Blanket Number 3 for one of my 9 pregnant friends. Well, there were nine a month ago--now there are 7 plus two babies!
And the big question: how on earth do I detach myself from an entire apartment's worth of belongings???

That last one is the most recent. I'm getting rid of my television soon. That rearrangement of furniture was in part to move a chair to where the TV had been.

So, life is good. Just chugging along.

Love

2008-04-13T21:29:00.002-05:00

I was asked, how do I understand the charism of the Society of the Sacred Heart?

My answer:

Knowing that God loves each of us,
and sharing that love to those we encounter.

The Society's official language: "to discover, live, and make known the love of the Heart of Christ."

Feel the Love! Pass it on!

A Homily on Vocations

2008-04-13T21:01:00.003-05:00

Today, in the Roman Catholic world, Good Shepherd readings were brought together with vocations awareness.

The homilist at my parish took the opportunity to discuss vocations of the ordained type, completely ignoring all other vocations.

What's a good Catholic woman to do? Well, apparently, my role is to get on my knees and pray that "our children and grandchildren" might hear a call to ordained ministry.

[My inner voice was screaming, "you mean 'our sons and grandsons'"! Now is not the time to use inclusive language!]

The homilist was very passionate about this topic--to the point of tears, in fact. You could tell that he really believed in his message, and that it was very important to him. I understand that. In fact, it was encouraging to hear such passion from a Catholic pulpit. However, he was speaking a message that was meaningful only to a small group of the hundreds who sat in that church.

So, as I left the church today, I was thinking about what I would write in a homily, given the topic of Good Shepherd and vocations. Here are some of the points I would talk about:

Every Christian is called - that's what "vocation" means.
Every Christian is called to follow Christ, to do our best to walk his path and trod in his footsteps. It's not easy, and very few of us feel that we succeed.
So, if Christ is the good shepherd, leading his flock by the sound of his voice, then we too are called to lead others to Christ by what we say and do.
That includes those who are called to full-time church ministry, whether they are ordained, religious, or laity.
That also includes all other Christians, whether they work in business, education, social services, the government, the home, or are retired.

The point is this: an ordained minister might be passionate about his ordination and the responsibility that it brings, but not everyone is called to ordained ministry. In fact, many people are barred from ordained ministry.

So if you are going to stand in front of a congregation and talk about vocations, you might want to think about what message those who listen are going to hear. I heard, "pray - that's all the ministry you need to give."

And that is way off target.

Imagining

2008-04-11T09:00:00.003-05:00

As I prayed with Acts 9 today, the conversion of St. Paul, I couldn't help but think about what that conversation would have been like with me....

On her journey, as she was nearing the next curve in the road,
a light from the sky suddenly flashed around her.
She saw that light, and heard a voice saying to her,
“Daughter, daughter, why are you ignoring me?”
She said, “Who are you?”
The reply came, “I am Jesus, whom you are ignoring.
Now go and pray, and you will know what you must do.”

...

Something like that.

A Moving Five

2008-04-11T08:43:00.003-05:00

From Mother Laura at RevGalBlogPals:

We are right in the middle of a move--only twenty minutes away, but we're still a mix of busy, excited, nervous and surprisingly full of grief about what we're leaving, for me at least. So this week's Friday Five asks about your experience of the marvels and madness of moving...

1. How many times have you moved? When was the last time?
How many times....That's sort of hard to tell. During college alone, I lived in 7 different houses/apartments/dorms...but I just won't count each of those. I think besides those moves, I've moved 9 times. Hard to tell, really--does it count if you only live in that place for a few months?? Among those many moves, I've lived in 4 different states and 6 different cities. Latest move was last summer. Before that, I had lived 7 years in the same place.

Seems like a lot for a 29-year-old!

2. What do you love and hate about moving?
I love finding new places, getting "lost" in new cities as I find my way around. I hate the actual process, and the lack of community support that always happens at the beginning. In fact, I'm still working on that from my latest move.

3. Do you do it yourself or hire movers?
Last time: movers. All other times: myself. Fortunately, I have great friends and family.

4. Advice for surviving and thriving during a move?
That's a hard one. I think, be easy on yourself. It's hard to move because you always end up leaving things behind (metaphorically and literally). Don't stress it if you lose your way on the road, or if something breaks. Something is going to break--at least one thing always does.

5. Are you in the middle of any inner moves, if not outer ones?
No outer ones. Inner movement is constantly at work, though.

Bonus: Share a piece of music/poetry/film/book that expresses something about what moving means to you.
You know, I have the reading from Acts for today in my head--the conversion of Paul. What a huge move--and it's both inner and outer!

Spring is definitely here

2008-04-08T20:27:00.003-05:00

Yep, definitely. Today, I spotted the first two house lizards outside my apartment. Kind of cute--they look something like this, only smaller I think.

Not as cute: the humongous cockroach in my classroom this weekend. It must have been 4 inches long. Fortunately, not in or near my home. I won't post an image of that. I was fine until a student mentioned that it might have wings.

I'm all for spring, but I could do without the creepy crawlies.

Revelation Friday Five

2008-04-04T07:46:00.005-05:00

From RevGalBlogPals:

With this Sunday's gospel reading in mind, that wonderful revelation of Christ to the companions on the Emmaus road. I wonder where you might have been surprised by God's revelation recently.

So with no further waffle I offer you this weeks Friday 5:

How has God revealed him/herself to you in a:

1. Book
I am reading a very inspiring little book right now--Anthony de Mello's The Way to Love. I am constantly finding new understandings of the world and how I relate to it and God. It's challenging, asking me to rethink some of the concerns that I have always had.

2.Film
I'm a big fan of classic films.... most recently I rented Imitation of Life from 1959. It's a beautiful film about people and relationships, and also racism in the U.S.

Lots of films come to mind... One of my favorites for revealing truth is Finding Neverland. I love how life and death become intermingled at the end. There's also a great foreign film, Children of Heaven, and then Everything Is Illuminated.

I think I better stop at four...

3. Song
I just wrote about this.... check out my post on Natasha Bedingfield's Wild Horses below here.

4. Another person
That's a tough one... I have a lot of support! I'll have to point to my recent stay with the Sisters, who accept all as they are and offer them love and respect. In answer to the "bonus" below, their way of opening their home to me was humbling--I felt so welcome and loved.

5. Creation
With God, all things are possible, right? The other day, it was about 80 degrees, the wind was howling, and there was a tornado watch and warning issued in the area. I looked out my office window--where the sun was shining. And it was raining. At the same time. God makes me laugh.

Bonus answer: your choice- share something encouraging/ amazing/ humbling that has happened to you recently! See above, question 4.

Books!

2008-04-03T06:23:00.004-05:00

Oh, I can't believe it's been a week since I last posted.

I guess that means that life has been busy after returning from the time away.

But here I am again! To start off, I thought I would discuss some of the books that I managed to get through. First, I listened to Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt by Anne Rice in the car on the way home, beginning Easter day. It is a fascinating novel written from the point of view of Jesus as a seven-year-old boy.

There are some negative aspects to the work, which I will discuss in a moment, but the positive characteristics outweigh them. Jesus is a young boy here, and so he doesn't have complete knowledge of who he is, and who is Father is. He is learning throughout this book the story of his birth as he grows in knowledge that he is divine. I think it is valuable because it presents a believable story to help us understand how Jesus is both human and divine--that he didn't know everything from the moment of his birth, but came to know himself just like each of us must.

The most prominent negative aspect is this: Rice uses the apocryphal gospels alongside the canonical gospels to explain these events. For instance, it comes up several times that Jesus brought clay birds to life (from the Proto-Evangelium of James). It's an odd story, and one that we do not accept as authentic to the gospel tradition.

Having said that, I understand the purpose of including the story of birds come to life in this work: it illustrates how Jesus learns of who he is. As a small child playing with clay, he wishes for his toys to come to life. He doesn't yet understand that his wishes are within his power because he is divine! The use of that image for this novel makes sense to me, even if I don't really believe it happened.

Theologically, everything else in the novel is faithful to the Catholic tradition.

I'm excited to read the second installment... Christ the Lord: The Road to Cana.

(Photo credits: St. Joseph and the Child Jesus from www.katsuya-art.com)

finding meaning in music

2008-03-27T17:59:00.003-05:00

I have this song in my head, from last week with the Sisters. It must have some meaning if it's still stuck in my head...

While I was with the Sisters, I felt the need to "escape" from my fears and doubts... but that never happens quite as planned. I decided to spend some time in my room with my mp3 player, and this song came up, which just seemed to speak to everything I was feeling. I'm amazed at how often songs can do that. The song is Wild Horses by Natasha Bedingfield, audio found here.

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but not feel scared

Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to

Jumping head-first, head-long
Without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

Recklessly abandoning myself before you

I wish it was easier, sometimes, to leave behind my fears and just do the things that I know my heart desires. To "recklessly love" without fear. The more I reflect on choosing to live as a religious, the more I realize that it is about "reckless abandonment" of myself to God - to love God with every fiber of my being because by loving God so completely I am more completely fulfilled, more completely myself.

The challenge for me right now is holding that knowledge close while the world around me says that happiness is found in all sorts of other ways, ways that are definitely not part of religious life.

Easter Blessings!

2008-03-25T20:49:00.009-05:00

This (slightly blurry) image was taken at the Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris.

I am back home after a lovely Holy Week and Easter spent with the Sisters! I have to admit that the week was fantastic, more peaceful and happy than I expected.

It was simply... comfortable. I wouldn't say it was exciting, really, not the way a big vacation to a resort or to Disney World might be exciting. It was more like finding a comfortable place to spend some time, finding a community in which I could belong.

I learned a lot. I saw how four very strong women of different personalities and with different needs can live together in a community. We worked and prayed together, and talked. There was lots of laughter, giggling, and some tears! I am thankful for these women and the lives they live in service to the world. I am thankful (and humbled!) to have spend so much time with them.

There is more to say, but I cannot find the words. I pray for strength and courage to do what God has laid out ahead of me.

Holy Week

2008-03-19T09:18:00.003-05:00

Just a quick update, as the sisters hold their weekly staff meeting...

This week has been wonderful so far--very peaceful and comfortable. I am enjoying my time with the sisters and learning more and more about their ministries and how they live . They offer housing for student groups who come to work with Habitat for Humanity or other house-building organizations. In the evenings, they offer guest speakers or reflections for the students as well. It is really a great program.

So a few of the things I have learned this week:
1. Liturgical dance is lovely when done well. (Who knew??)
2. The world is very small. (I keep meeting people that I have known in other places at different times!)
3. Community living is great but not without its challenges.

That's all for now. More to come when I get a chance!

Lent is ending and Holy Week approaches!

2008-03-11T06:58:00.004-05:00

I leave town tomorrow and will be gone until after Easter, to "live in" with a community of sisters for Holy Week. So, I may not have the opportunity to blog for a while.

As I go into this week, I'm a little nervous, but also excited. I'm nervous because I just don't know what to expect--I have to trust that the Holy Spirit will guide my heart into a deeper relationship with the community. I have all those "what if" questions going through my head--and I just have to ignore them! (What if they don't like me?) None of them are rational at all, but they still nag and pull me away from the more important thoughts.

But I'm excited too. I hope this weekend is a taste of the life that I seek. I hope to keep my heart open to the present moment. I hope to learn more about the community and about myself.

I also love Holy Week and Easter--this is my favorite season. This is the reason for our faith--without the Resurrection, everything else is pretty meaningless. But it is the pain and emotion leading to Easter that is so beautiful.

Isn't it a commentary on life in general? We cannot understand the beauty of our lives if we never experience the sadness that comes with it. How much sweeter is beauty, happiness, when it comes at great cost?

Please keep me in your prayers these weeks, as I will keep you in mine.

Sacred Heart of Jesus Icon

2008-03-06T16:34:00.004-06:00

I've been looking for an image of the Sacred Heart that I liked, and I think I finally found one. This comes from Bridge Building Images Religious Cards and Gifts, and is from an artist named Nancy Oliphant.

There is just something about the traditional images of the Sacred Heart that turn me away--I think it is the overly emotive Jesus, with his pale face and light eyes. I know too much to expect Jesus to look like he's from Sweden. (Although I have Swedish in my heritage, I would rather an image of Jesus that is a little darker in complexion--more appropriate to his heritage.)

I like this image because of the dark-complexioned Jesus and because he looks strong. I want to say that his eyes are piercing also--like they look into me, and see me for who I am, with both good and bad traits. He looks a little sad, but not completely. He looks steady, like someone who is calm even in calamity.

Another aspect of this image that I like is the fire -- the tongues of flame that constitute his heart and the background of red, orange, and yellow. The heart like an explosion--flames that cannot be contained but most move outward. The fiery colors make me think of the fire of the holy Spirit, the fire which breathes life and love into each of us as we live in this world. Fire is a powerful image: it can light our path, warm our coldest hours, and cook our food. But it can also consume what lies in its path and cause great destruction and death. It's the power of all-consuming fire that is reigned in and used to fuel our love for God and compassion for others. So many of the mystics talk of the "fire of love" in their hearts--love that compels Christians to love God in return, and to love those around them.

I also like the mountains beneath Jesus. I grew up with mountains, and haven't lived in a mountainous place for many years. But they always make me think of the grandeur of creation, the greatness and beauty that God emanated into the created world

God Sees

2008-03-02T21:11:00.003-06:00

from today's first reading:

"Yahweh does not see as mortals see;
they look on the outward appearance,
but Yahweh looks on the heart."

1 Sam 16:7

What does God see in your heart?

I can't even begin to express what I hope God sees in mine.

(image "borrowed" from oneyearbibleimages.com)

RevGalBlogPals' Friday Five: Happy Leap Day!

2008-02-29T06:40:00.003-06:00

A lovely Friday tradition...and my first time on the playing board! Here's RevGalBlogPals' original post.

Tell us about a time you:

1. Leapt before looked
I have to admit, this doesn't happen often--I'm too much of a planner.

2. Leapt to a conclusion
Now this, on the other hand, happens to me far too often. And sometimes to great embarrassment. Most recently: I leapt to the conclusion that one of my students was not doing his reading, and I asked him about it. My students are adults...so he was offended, of course. In my defense, his homework assignments did not reflect having completed the assigned reading...

3. Took a Leap of Faith
I went to graduate school--moved halfway across the country to the midwest, and had no idea whether I would make it. I don't think I believed then that I would. But I don't think I was the only one who made a leap of faith--the graduate director who let me in the program and gave me a scholarship also placed a great amount of trust in me (I was certainly less qualified than my peers, if only because I was the only one coming straight out of college). It seems to be a successful leap of faith--no net needed. I did complete the program, after all, and now I'm using my PhD in the world of theology.

4. Took a literal Leap
I'm not one for heights or for leaping. I can tell you about a few trips down the stairs, head or bottom first, if you wish...

5. And finally, what might you be faced with leaping in the coming year?
Ah. This one is easy, though I'm changing it to the next year and a half. Entering religious life--without a dime to my name, leaving behind my worldly possessions, and trusting that my friend and comfort Jesus will be beside me along the way. He's always there, but sometimes I don't see him clearly (my fault, not his). This move is both exciting and a bit terrifying--but all is good as long as I remember that God has a safety net is available in case I have an emergency.

Divine safety nets are the best, aren't they? They seem to be the only ones that never fail to appear on time.

Love and the Law

2008-02-27T07:04:00.004-06:00

Maybe I have been reading too much of the mystics lately, but it’s hard for me to understand such a focus on the law as is in today’s readings. Not to devalue the law, but I get the sense sometimes that we place so much emphasis on doing things “right” that we forget why we do them in the first place. And the reason we do them: Jesus' law of love… which (it seems to me) is not so much a law that is followed like other laws, but a way of living and being in relationship with other people.

I was thinking about this issue last night with regards to the liturgy. I have been to parishes that place such great emphasis on doing the liturgy right that they neglect other aspects of human life. They might have the proper incense and half a dozen servers, but the homily will be unprepared or out of touch with their congregation. I have heard many a homily on the necessity of going to confession… not that it's wrong to discuss confession, but how about a little guidance on how to live life in such a way that there is less to confess? (And how about calling that sacrament “reconciliation” like the contemporary documents do? Even that word change alters the significance of the sacrament, into a sacrament of mended relationships rather than a sacrament simply of guilt and penance.)

The world of theology is not so different either. Theologians have to question the way things are—that is part of their job. If no one questions things, then nothing can change. (This isn't the right place for a digression, but the dynamism of creating is an integral part of God's being... so change among the created world is good, and change in the church is guided by the Holy Spirit--even better!) Yet there are some people in this world who are so opposed to change that they become militant at any intimation that theology can be expressed somehow other than the Catechism or Thomas Aquinas expressed it. Again, not to devalue the Catechism or Thomas, but the brilliance of being Christian is in knowing that God is greater than any one person’s conception of God…or even any one catechism’s conception of God. The history of theology shows us that—each theologian throughout history has taken a different approach to understanding the divine, and most of those approaches are not heretical! So what is God like if each of these expressions is different? God is all of them combined, and yet more than we can possibly imagine. That’s the great mystery, and also a great reason to be open to the ideas of those around us. Our neighbors and those we disagree with might see something of God that we cannot see.

Holiness and Responsibility

2008-02-21T22:04:00.003-06:00

A friend just gave me a copy of Life and Holiness by Thomas Merton, and I was struck by this sentence from the introduction:

Christian holiness in our age means more than ever the awareness of our common responsibility to cooperate with the mysterious designs of God for the human race.

This reminds me of some of the things I have been talking about with my spiritual director. He speaks of doing God's will in the sense of knowing that what I do is the will of God. It's hard to express (he is much clearer than I am), but I get the sense that he means this type of cooperation with God's designs. We cooperate with God and follow his designs when we do God's will.

I also think about how freeing this must be--to focus so completely on God's will that we lose our desire for material wealth and earthly acclaim. As I look more deeply into myself and my desire to follow God's call into religious life, I begin to see that these things bind me in ways that I never realized. I don't even think that I am particularly ambitious, yet those bonds are still there. I know that I am bound by my desire to be successful at my job in a way that is somehow quantifiable. Once I "name" that desire, I recognize that in it I will never find happiness, that ultimately my happiness is in doing my job well because it is the will of God that I do the job!

Those are my small thoughts tonight.

Quote of the Day

2008-02-19T14:49:00.007-06:00

From the Rule of St. Benedict chapter 1:

"Do not be daunted immediately by fear and run away from the road that leads to salvation. It is bound to be narrow at the outset. But as we progress in this way of life and in faith, we shall run on the path of God's commandments, our hearts overflowing with the inexpressible delight of love."

I've probably read this passage four or five times, and it never struck me before. I'm always amazed at how different things become significant at different times in life, when before they were simply overlooked.

Connections Part 2

2008-02-15T17:48:00.003-06:00

The second part of my week was good also. I spoke with some far away friends (always pleasant), and I had a new friend to my home for dinner.

And I got to tell her about my vocation journey. It is so nice to have someone here, in my new community, with whom I can share this story. As you might notice, dear reader, this blog is anonymous... that is for the protection of my current status, my current job, and so most of the people I see on a day to day basis have no idea about the call that resides in my heart and soul at this point in time. But now, one more of my dear new friends shares my "secret."

I really wish the secrecy was not necessary, and I long for the day when I can shout from the rooftops the joy that is in my heart! I'm in love! And I am "going to live in God's house" - the house of my Love - just as soon as I can!

I think that is inspired by St. Valentine's Day.

"Arise, my beloved, my beautiful one, and come!"

--Song 2:10

Connections

2008-02-15T17:39:00.003-06:00

I'm having one of those days where it is hard to connect. I'm just not into the work that I need to be doing, and I'm distracted...by nothing in particular.

So maybe what I need is a recap of the week. This week has been a good one--a little rest after a long weekend of working, and then some productive days as well. I teach one weekend a month (last weekend) for a marathon of 9 hours over 2 days (sounds okay, but it's way more than the usual 3 hour seminar length class). And at the end I am exhausted. So the rest of the week, I basically have to make up for the work that was put off last week in preparation for the weekend. Phew.

But I did it. It's done for now. And I'm still in need of more sleep.

Spiritual direction is going so well. My spiritual guru guide is fantastic--always full of wisdom that helps me further on my path. A phrase from him that keeps coming up is "mystical union with Christ in action." He's talking about "contemplatives in action" - that mode of religious life that wants to keep the contemplation of the monastery while also actively participating in the world. Fr. Joe relates it to several phrases from the Gospels, especially when Jesus talks of doing the will of the Father. So that, mystical union with Christ in action is about uniting my will with the will of God, knowing that what I am doing is what God wills. Really being an instrument of God. It also means trusting the guidance of the Holy Spirit in me, in my (religious) community, in those whom I vow to obey.

I don't think I explain it well, but it is an idea that will captivate me for some time.

Quote

2008-02-13T10:39:00.001-06:00

"Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn."

-- Fulton Sheen

I read this and couldn't help laughing.

Leaving Everything Behind

2008-02-09T08:08:00.000-06:00

"Leaving everything behind, Levi got up and followed Jesus."

So I think this might be my answer to reflections from Thursday--leaving everything behind. How gutsy was it of Levi to follow Jesus? For that matter, how gutsy is it for anyone to leave behind their lives to follow Jesus?

While I struggle with the "what-ifs" of this question, I am so happy with my decision to join a religious community. I was walking last night, under the stars, and I was thinking about friends who are far away, whom I love and miss. I was sad. And then I started thinking about how my life is changing, how my attitudes are different, and how I am going to (as my friend put it) "live in God's house." God has chosen me, and I see that chosen life in front of me, and I am happy.

I'm still sad about the friends that I miss, but they are still with me, and they are still supportive of me, even if they are far away. I look forward to the time when I will not be just thinking about religious life and what it will be like, but when I will be living it!

Quote of the Day

2008-02-08T11:37:00.001-06:00

from Henri Nouwen, Can You Drink the Cup?

"Community is like a large mosaic. Each little piece seems so insignificant. One piece is bright red, another cold blue or dull green, another warm purple, another sharp yellow, another shining gold. Some look precious, others ordinary. Some look valuable, others worthless. Some look gaudy, others delicate. As individual stones, we can do little with them except compare them and judge their beauty and value. When, however, all these little stones are brought together in one big mosaic portraying the face of Christ, who would ever question the importance of any one of them? If one of them, even the least spectacular one, is missing, the face is incomplete. Together in the one mosaic, each little stone is indispensable and makes a unique contribution to the glory of God. That's community, a fellowship of little people who together make God visible in the world."

Reflection on yesterday's Gospel

2008-02-08T11:34:00.000-06:00

"If anyone wishes to come after me, she must deny herself and take up her cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to save her life will lose it, but whoever loses her life for my sake will save it. What profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit herself?"

Gospel for the day--I can't get it out of my head, especially "whoever loses her life for my sake will save it."

I have been really worried about money lately--specifically about how to pay off all my debts and still have a little left over to save just in case religious life doesn't work out, or to give to the Society if it does (as a small contribution toward my many student loan debts). But I don't think it will work out with much extra. It will be possible to pay off my debts by the end of summer 2009, but not with leftovers. Though I know it will work out, I had to resign myself to the possibility that there will be nothing left after the debts are taken care of.

Scary--to enter into religious life with nothing.

But I also know that that is the point--to release myself from my material bonds. It's just easier to think about when I am not actively trying to do it.

Whoever loses her life… whoever abandons all plans and safeguards for future comfort and follows the Lord in the present moment, wherever he might lead. Jesus, I know you love me and will take care of my needs, but I am scared.

Ashes

2008-02-06T19:36:00.000-06:00

As Lent begins, I am thinking (along with so many others) about what sort of penitential act I will be doing for the next six weeks. I have to admit, I'm not one who is "into" penance--I think it's probably better in our world to look at Lent as a time to develop a better relationship with God, not necessarily a time to deprive ourselves of something that we enjoy. That said, some of the things we enjoy are not that good for us, spiritually or physically.

My Lenten decision: no television. Sigh. That is going to be hard, but I think it will be good for me. Six weeks without sexy advertisements, trying to get me to buy things that I don't need and to eat or drink things that really shouldn't be part of anyone's diet. Six weeks without sitcoms that focus on the characters' sex lives. Six weeks without the blood and guts of CSI and Law and Order. Even six weeks without the latest poll results for the upcoming election.

Six weeks of reading books! Praying more. Cleaning my kitchen more often. Exercising. Reading books (!).

The hardest part for me is the silence--living in an apartment alone is very quiet. I hear the tic-toc of the cuckoo clock, but little else. Again, that means more time for prayer, good solid habitual prayer.

My hope: that by the end of Lent, I will be ready to give away the television for good.

(I was thinking also about shutting down the computer--clearly something that has not happened. But I think that computer/internet use will be curtailed as well.)

Happy Lenting!